2 jokes for Today

I have two jokes for you today. The first one is about the Americans. I wouldn't be suprised if it were true.... They seem to be going backwards on the evolutionary scale. I was speaking to a guy from USA the other day, and he reckons America has the fattest, ugliest and most annoying women on the planet. I agree...

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today
at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he
attempted to board a flight while in possession of a
ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a
calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General
Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member
of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by
the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They
desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes
go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They
use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval
with coordinates in every country. As the Greek
philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides
to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, George W. Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes."

Aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the President


This second joke is a good one.

Saturday Morning..

My wife was sleeping peacefully; I got up early, put on my long trousers,
dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the
garage to hook the boat up to the car, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 80km/ph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that
the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing
in that shit ?"

Hee Hee..... Cheers