I Haven't Been Feeling Well lately

The last couple of days I haven't been feeling well. Everything in my life just isn't working out the way I want it to. My job sucks, my family haven't been speaking to me, and my girlfriend hates me.

I've been very depressed lately. Last night I decided it was time. So I called Lifeline. I got the call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane....